There's a force that shapes your life and
determines what you consider possible or not, what you attempt, how you think
and interact. This belief you have about who you are is your identity.
We all have a subconscious way of defining ourselves, and this affects
every part of our lives. If you see yourself as conservative, you will move and
talk differently than if you considered yourself to be outrageous. A change in
your personal definition will instantly change the talents you express, the
behaviors you demonstrate, and the aspirations you pursue.
It's not what we do once in a while that counts, but our consistent actions.
Don't leave the site of a goal without taking some form of positive action
toward its attainment. Take a moment to define the first steps to take to
achieve a goal. What can you do today to move yourself forward? Even the
smallest step - a phone call, a commitment, sketching out an initial plan - will
put you closer to your goal. Then develop a list of simple things you can do
every day for the next ten days. These ten days of creating a chain of
habits and building unstoppable momentum will ensure your long-term success.
- Exercise, Sleep at regular times & enough, Eat well. Get fresh air.
Exercise as this produces feel good endorphins that counter the effects of
stress hormones.
- Have some fruit juice, fresh berries - blueberries, strawberries, fish,
(brazil) nuts, almonds, wholemeal bread, raisins, eggs, spinach, olive oil,
white meat (turkey), veggie soup.
- Laugh; Smile, 'Act as if...'. "Smile and feel 10 years younger, worry and get
grey hair". Commit to unconditional happiness. Smiling sends chemical signals to
your brain to be happy, try to be unhappy when you smile!)
- Learn a new skill, a language; whenever you have a few free minutes, do more
research. Get to know different cultures, food. Travel.
- Enjoy some music: (acid) jazz, blues, reggae, opera, rock, soul..., Sing
along.
- Take a break every 90 minutes during work. Breathe deeply. Raise your head,
adjust your posture, stretch.
- Mix with positive people. Listen, don't interrupt others.
- Read a good book; Rent funny videos.
- Be optimistic. View life in a positive way, and you'll surprise yourself with
how energized and happy you feel.
- Catch up with friends or family. Remember how you felt when you received an
unexpected call from an old buddy? Go for a beer with friends or email or call
old friends and relatives for no other reason than to say "hi." Make it a habit
to catch up with people you care about.
- Do a good deed. Help others in some small way. Help an elderly person cross
the street. Donate clothes to a panhandler on the streetshelter. Give that
homeless man a few coins and look him in the eye will make both of you feel
good.
.
- Be thankful, grateful. Show some appreciation. Cheer someone up. Thank a
colleague for his assistance. Congratulate a coworker on a successful project.
Verbalize your "thank you"s. Say a kind word to the server, bank teller,
security guard or customer service operator, they will be surprised by a little
recognition, and you'll find that your spirits are raised also.
- Enjoy life. Treat yourself. Make time for the things you enjoy doing: do some
repairs, see a show on the net...
- Be creative. Find an outlet for your creative energy. This might involve
writing, cartooning, painting, landscaping. No matter how busy you are, or how
lousy you feel at the end of a week, if you make time for creative activities,
you will be happier and healthier.
- Gain perspective. See the big picture, whether it's to pay off the mortgage or
have a long-lasting relationships. Talk to someone. Have a "go-to guy" - a best
buddy you can talk to about anything. Your go-to guy won't judge you or try to
solve your problems; he'll listen because he knows you'll do the same for him.
- Dream. Write down your ambitions and slowly fulfill them. You'll have things
to look forward to, and somewhere to focus your energy.
- Change your schedule. Alter your daily routines and you will find new energy.
Maintain a clear division between work and recreation, and leave room for fun
activities and quiet times of reflection.
- Find a significant other. Sharing experiences with someone you love will boost
your happiness. Unconditional love will make you feel secure and content.
- Forgive. Maybe it's time to forgive someone (or yourself) for something that
was said or done. If you were passed over for a promotion or lost your job due
to corporate restructuring, recognize that you cannot rewrite history. Accept it
and let it go. Regain control of your happiness by letting go of past letdowns.
- Give it a squeeze. Have a hand exerciser or a stress ball" handy. Medically
speaking, when stress shoots adrenaline into the bloodstream that calls for
muscle action, squeezing something provides a release that satisfies our bodies'
"fight-or-flee" response.
- Correct your posture. A good upright posture improves breathing and increases
blood flow to the brain, hence decreasing blood pressure and stress.
- Enjoy the sun, the daylight. Have a bath, warm shower or spa. To get the most
relaxation from a hot bath, soak for 15 minutes in water that is just a few
degrees warmer than your body temperature. But be careful because longer soaks
in warmer water can actually lower your blood pressure too much.
- Drink (more) tea; Drink moderately regularly quality red wine
Pick French wine over German. According to research in the Journal of the
American College of Cardiology, French red wine has up to four times more
artery-protecting enzymes than German reds.
- Respond right away. In high-pressure situations, people tend to rush. You've
done this, I'm sure - you get an e-mail or memo, and because it requires a
moment of thought or the retrieval of more information, you set it aside. Later
on, you come back to it (when you're even more rushed) and spend time trying to
figure out where you left off. Try not to pick up the same piece of work twice.
Read it and respond rather than put it aside and think you'll respond later.
- Pick the low-hanging fruit. In the end, your workday will inevitably be a
hodgepodge--a crazy salad of big projects, short deadlines, interruptions,
distractions, and surprises. Roll with it all, but make sure to pick the
low-hanging fruit-tackling the easy tasks that you can get done quickly. That
helps you feel like you're on track.
- Plan ahead to avoid stressful situations or write a list of things you need to
do so they're out of your head. What do you want to achieve? Write you To Do's
on some paper or electronic file (Notepad, Outlook), list them in order of
priority and tick them off as you do them... Keep a pen and paper handy on your
bedside table so as not to dwell on the things you need to remember.
- Think of how little your problems will be one year from now. Keep things in
perspective and take things as they come and handle them with ease. Taking
situations a little more lightly and cutting yourself some slack will ease your
stress level and alleviate the amount of pressure you place on shoulders. When
the going gets tough, think of the situation as a challenge you can win and if
you fail... learn from it.
- Think in terms of survivor thinking: "That's a given, what can I do?". Remind
yourself of the options you have.
- Clear off your desk. Psychologists have discovered that messy desks are a
necessity in a wide variety of careers. They're also distracting. Although we're
barely conscious of it, we all have the same method to our madness. We keep a
"hot" pile of papers, probably next to the phone; a "warm" pile or two toward
the edges of the desk; and various "cold" piles atop the filing cabinet and
every other square inch of horizontal space. These last are mostly completed
projects or "just in case" materials. Their presence may ratchet up your sense
of being overwhelmed and focus becomes more difficult.
The biggest office stress buster is organisation. It's what's most needed and
most lacking. Even a very basic organizational habit can cumulatively save hours
in a workweek. And, of course, more time means less stress. A most valuable
habit is the end-of-week review. Go over your inbox and work lists, so thanks to
a wise Friday hour, don’t be frazzled or over-whelmed when the whistle blows on
Monday morning.
- Carve out time. If you're feeling overwhelmed, break it down. Ask yourself,
"What is it exactly that I'm not getting to, and how can I get to it?" Doctors
need to return phone calls, contractors need to take care of paperwork, salesmen
need to sit down and make long-term plans. They all need to carve out 1 h or 2
for these tasks. Protect that time, then you don't have to worry about it while
you go about your day.
- 1, 2, 3. An effective way to deal with stressful situations is to count to 10.
This helps to step away from the stressful moment mentally, and gives those 10
seconds to remove yourself from the situation at hand. Consider it the remote
control of your life; you press pause - once you're done counting to 10 and
press "play" again - and you're in better shape to focus on the task at hand.
- A good upright posture improves breathing and increases blood flow to the
brain, hence decreasing blood pressure and stress.
Spy On Yourself Hunched over a keyboard with knots in your shoulders? Yeah, and
you probably didn't realize it until you stopped to think about it. Researchers
found that people's stress levels dropped by simply paying more attention to the
symptoms of stress, such as bunched-up muscles and fast, scattered thinking. The
good news: You don't need a 2 month course. Even minor adjustments can produce
big benefits. This means paying attention if your thoughts begin to race or your
breathing becomes shallow. And when you notice knots in your shoulders, you can
. . .
Do the PC Stretch With all due deference to Bill Gates, this is for everyone
shackled to a friggin' computer. When we're under stress, we usually lean
forward to focus on what we're doing. This makes the muscles of the neck and
lower back work harder - and they're small to begin with. For quick relief,
clasp your hands behind your neck and squeeze your shoulder blades together. Now
let your head fall forward so your chin is close to your chest, and bring your
elbows together in front of you so they're touching. Pull down with your hands
for several seconds, then release. Repeat six to eight times whenever you're
knotted up.
- Sit or stand up straight, or walk into a room with a confident manner; this
will give you a knock-on effect on your attitude, creativity and others'
perceptions of you.
- If a stressful scenario is getting the best of you, remove yourself from the
situation physically. Get up, take a quick walk and get some air. Give yourself
a few minutes of downtime to clear your mind when things get too hectic. Come
back to the situation clearheaded and refreshed. Also sitting still doesn't
preserve energy. The human nervous system needs to move to have energy. As you
move, oxygen flows through your system, and that physical level of health
creates the emotional sense of vitality you need.
- Undertake several projects for a current year; new job, position, house,
skill, hobby, exercise... If you do succeed with 2 or 3 of these endeavours,
that's already quite something - until next year...
- Breathe out deeply 3 times. If you feel yourself getting stressed, breathe
out, all the way to the bottom of your lungs, then let go. The in breath happens
automatically as your diaphragm pulls in more air. As you breathe all the out
you move your breathing from short, shallow breathing at the top of you lungs
which is associated with stress, to deep long natural breaths from your
diaphragm which sends a powerful signal to your body to calm down.
Hold your breath. Take a deep breath and keep it in. Holding palm to palm, press
your fingers together. Wait 5 seconds, then slowly exhale through your lips
while letting your hands relax. Do this 5 or 6 times until you unwind.
- Be polite to yourself. A major cause of stress is internal dialogue - the way
we talk to ourselves when we are thinking things through. Remember what sort of
voice you used in your imagination last time you were stressed. And change the
tone of the voice. If it was harsh, make it friendly, if it was high-pitched
make it low, if it was fast slow it down. Change it as many ways you want until
it is more polite. You may still have to think things through, but you don't
have to be rude to yourself!
- Make one positive change to your environment every day. Research has shown
that the more people express themselves in their surroundings the more relaxed
they become - so every day do something, no matter how small to make your
environment nicer. It could by picking a bunch of flowers for the kitchen or
bringing a postcard in to work, it doesn't matter. Just everyday do something to
make your environment nicer for you.
- Exercise regularly. Stress has a large physical component - and one of the
very best ways to relax is to use up that physical energy and preparation. Just
twenty minutes in the gym or even a brisk walk for 15 minutes in the fresh air
will help your body relax. It's so simple it's easy to forget, but exercise
really is one of the best ways to get your mind and body balanced.
- Do the apple pick to calm your neuro-transmitters. Rise on your toes and reach
high with your left hand, imagining you're picking an apple from a tree. Hold
for a second, breathe deeply, then lower your arm. Repeat with your right arm.
Continue for 60 seconds, stretching higher each time. Relax for a minute, then
do two further sets. This flushes out the stress hormone cortisol, which impairs
memory.
- Reframe your situation. Our reactions are caused by how we interpret the world
- nothing in itself is stressful, only tthe way we see it. If you see a person,
a situation or an event as threatening, your body will register stress. So
whenever something stresses, you see it in your mind's eye. Then drain out the
colour, make the picture black and white - then imagine it shrinking, spinning
away from you and disappearing. Any time you feel threatened do that again and
then create a picture, in big, bold colour, of yu dealing brilliantly with the
situation.
- Twice a day take a power nap. Your body has a natural tendency to relax every
90 minutes. You'll recognise these times by a sweet soft feeling in your
muscles, your eyes want to close and it's difficult to concentrate. It doesn't
matter if you ignore most of these times but it is very good for you to hitch a
ride on them twice a day for 5 minutes or so. You wake up feeling refreshed and
relaxed and you perform better. What's more, while you rested, your body's
immune and healing system used the time to optimise your health.
- Don't criticise or complain. For example, if you don't enjoy your work, change
of job, do something about it or don't complain.
- Use the right words: Instead of saying I'm upset or @#$%, say I'm a bit
annoyed, I hate / I prefer, devastating / inconvenient, worried / concerned,
I've forgotten / it will come to me, awful / challenging, should / could, try /
will ...
Don't generalise or exaggerate by saying "It's unbearable ..." or "Everyone
thinks ..."
Words have a very powerful on ourselves & others. If you tell someone 'Don't
drop it!' the mind will think of 'drop' & the person might let the object fall,
whether 'Hold it tight' may have a better effect...
- People may not be as bad or as good as you or you originally think.
If you find that someone is 'annoying', think that others come with their own
background & resources.
Someone was in the train and a man sat down opposite him with his 3 boys. They
were quite agitated & noisy, the person tried to concentrate on a book,
couldn't, wondered how the father could have so little authority over his kids.
Then the person told the man if he could calm down his children. To which, he
replied: 'I am so sorry, we're back from the hospital, their mother has died,
and I don't know what to say.' ...
- There are no failures, just experiences, lessons. Even if you had 'failures',
it may be when you learned the most.
Some of the most successful people have had some of the most impressive
'failures'.
- If you're having an argument at work, at home, if the phone rings you're
likely to make a conscious effort to be nice and friendly with your caller.
Realise that you can switch to positive state of mind just by choosing to; if
you see that you get angered or upset, think of the 'phone' analogy and become
calm and collected. In an argument, be aware and take action - with '1%
expectation', adjust your standpoint; look confident, fake it until you make it;
relax.
In a heated discussion, consider what people do - actions, and say - labels,
interpretations. Rephrase what is said: " You said...," "You feel that...", and
add "What do you suggest?" (and "I understand, let me think about it, the
consequences / drawbacks are"). Match the other person's tone, body language. In
a given situation, there are three possible outcomes in the way we feel and act:
dislike ® run, like ® curiosity, I can handle it ® problem solving.
When someone criticizes you, they do so based on a small part of yourself [the
big picture]; it is just based on one aspect of just you the colleague or
partner or friend.
- To get cooperation, ask specifically, to someone who can, state what's in it
for the giver, believe they'll say yes, ask until they do.
Stephen COVEY Seven Habits of Highly Effective People - What can I do to
maintain what is important to me?
This implies on a personal level: 1. I need to take personal control
2. Focus my energy and time on an ongoing basis
3. Attain clear definition of what is important
4. Set congruous priorities
in relation with others: 5. Treat all of us with respect and value everyone's
needs
6. Develop the win/win philosophy and approach
7. Actively listen to and understand other points of view
8. Effectively express my own view
9. Open up to exciting prospects in combining everyone's ideas
overall: 10. Keep myself at my peak level through self care
To move me from dependence to independence:
HABIT 1 ... BE PROACTIVE
a. Accepting that I am responsible for my life and I do have choices
b. Stopping the use of reactive language
c. Focusing my time and energy on things I can control or have influence over
d. Seeing mistakes or failures as a learning opportunity
e. Keeping my commitments and promises
f. Approaching myself and others with respect and compassion
HABIT 2 ... BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
a. Recognising that I am unique and I make unique contributions
b. Getting to know my uniqueness
c. Identifying what I want to be and do in my life
d. Formulating my personal mission in life
e. Thinking through my priorities and aligning my behaviour
f. Becoming a problem solver
g. Stepping out of my comfort zone by approaching things differently
h. Using my imagination in proactive ways Practising affirmation, positive
visualisation, self-talk
Define what I want in life and take congruous action.
Develop internal security (sense of worth), Guidance (source of direction in
life), Wisdom (perspective on life) and Power (capacity to act).
HABIT 3 ... PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST by
Answering: "What one thing could I do (that I am not doing now) that if I did on
a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in ... ... ... area
of my life?
When managing my time: Be aware of coherence
a. Focus on balance
b. Focus on important / not urgent
c. Focus on effectiveness in relationships
d. Maintain some flexibility in my approach
e. Have my time management system with me most of my time
f. When delegating, ensure up-front mutual understanding of and commitment to
expectations regarding desired results, guidelines, resources, accountability
and consequences.
To move from independence to interdependence:
HABIT 4 ... THINK WIN/WIN by
a. Being willing to listen and understand the problem from another's point of
view.
b. Identifying key issues and concerns
c. Determining what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution
d. Identifying possible new solutions to achieve those results
e. Maintaining balance between courage and consideration
f. Eliminating those obstacles which you have control over
g. Preparing your approach
h. Seeking and learning from role models
i. Building and maintaining another's emotional bank account by understanding
the individual, attending to little things, keeping commitments, clarifying
expectations, showing personal integrity, and apologising sincerely when I show
discourtesy, disrespect, cutting off, overreacting, ignoring and becoming
arbitrary, betraying trust, threatening, playing god.
HABIT 5 ... SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND AND THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD by
a. Practicing active empathetic listening
b. Using attentive behaviour and reflective responses
c. Presenting ideas clearly, specifically, visually & contextually - taking into
account the other's frame of reference, needs & interests. d. Focusing on what I
can control or influence
HABIT 6 ... SYNERGISE by
a. Valuing differences and seeing them as a source of creating new opportunities
b. Actively engaging in interaction with others with quest for creativity and
growth
INTERDEPENDENCE IS -
PHYSICALLY I am self reliant and capable, but I also realise that you and I
working together can accomplish far more than, even at my best, I could
accomplish alone.
EMOTIONALLY I experience a great sense of worth within myself, but I also
recognise the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love from others.
INTELLECTUALLY I realise that I need the best thinking of other people to join
with my own.
AS A PERSON I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with
others and have access to the vast resources and potential of other human
beings.
HABIT 7 ... SHARPEN THE SAW by
a. Taking a proactive approach to my well-being
b. Prioritising and taking care of myself regularly
c. Maintaining balance in my life
d. Being a role model of principle centered approach
- In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a
better time on the trip.
- Swim with dolphins. Read motivational books, web sites ...
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